Sorting through Dating

It's hard to date these days. 

Firstly, you have to really define what you mean by "dating".  For the most part I think people immediately make "dating" a monogamous thing.  "I'm dating Jerry," they might say and you immediately interpret that as "...and only Jerry".  So when Jerry shows up somewhere with another girl/guy that he's "dating" things start to get very confusing and many emotions can run rampant.

I've always thought dating was something you do that incorporates an activity that is less committed.  I ask someone to go to dinner with me for the express purpose of finding out more about them.  "It's a date!!" they say, and if there is a second or possibly third date, then I say that we are "dating" - meaning that we go out on dates together.  It doesn't mean we're sleeping together or that things have progressed beyond getting to know one another.  We're just dating. 

It starts to get confusing because there is such a lack of communication, and because of that people are afraid to ask questions.  "Are we committed?"  "What is it that we're doing?"  "Are you dating other people?" and such.  If you wonder things you should ask questions.  Else, how are you going to find out the answers?  Sending someone else to figure things out is really silly and very insecure. 

I recently started dating this guy.  He came through our drive thru at Starbucks though I had previously met him before.  So I took a chance, wrote my number on his coffee cup and said "I wondered if I might ask you to dinner sometime."  His response was immediate.  "in what capacity?"  to which I responded "so that I can get to know you, that's it."  So we went to dinner.  We hung out with our friends, and occassionally we started having him and me time that usually involved dinner.  At some point that progressed when he mentioned that he wanted to get to know me better because he likes to know the men he's involved with.  So I asked "are we involved?" and it turned out that he thought we were. 

Now that's not awful...it was just an idea that I had not formally thought of.  He is good looking, very intelligent and has a lot to offer (although he is a little younger - 21 to my 31, sometimes I forget what a gap that is).  So I thought "okay, I'll take a step forward with this and see where it goes."  Because we have a really open line of communication, it seems to me that things are going just fine.  We see each other at least once or twice a week and at this point I am not interested in full monogamy and neither is he.  There is no pressure for sex for which I am incredibly grateful because I don't know what sex will do to us at this point - though we have discussed the idea of "if we have sex it will just be fun, there is nothing behind it" and that isn't exactly NOT appealing, but I'm just not sure I want to take it there.  I kind of like where we are, as he also said. 

So...you can avoid a lot of things if you understand the language that you and the other person are speaking.  Is their "dating" the same as your "dating"?  Is their "involved" the same as your "involved"?  knowing these things will cut down significantly on the heartache that might happen when people don't communicate.  And if you don't know...for goodness sake ASK!!!!

-A-

I had been mulling at work over the fact that since I moved to Central Texas in January I've made one friend.  The people around here aren't really interesting.  Maybe it's because the city isn't interesting and the people take that on in their personalities, but I find more uninteresting qualities about everyone here than I can overlook.

This is especially true at work, where I have like three people that I can stand to actually talk to.  I try not to be mean about it, and I'm certainly not mean to them; if they need help I help them and I'm polite and talk to them when they address me and stuff.  But mostly I just don't feel that anyone around here is interesting.  It makes me miss my friends and I can't wait to leave here at the end of December.

Yesterday I was waiting for everyone to hand me their checkouts (oh, I'm a head wait at the Outback Steakhouse here) and one of our key managers sat down to chit chat with me.  He's one of three gay guys that work at our store.  Myself, him and another guy.  We don't really interact with one another...and after I dismissed the idea of being a friend of gay guy #3, I just didn't really invest in a lot of time trying to figure out if I would like gay guy #2.  That was totally my mistake.  We got to talking and it was like this door opened up for me and everything that I had wanted to talk about with people that I couldn't was right there on the table.  He was so interesting and nothing I said made me feel that he thought I was crazy or wierd or whatever.  It was a genuinely good conversation and I really liked it.

Sometimes I judge people and I think that when I do that it's based on something accurate but often times I don't give people a chance to show me other sides of their personalities.  I think in some ways I've been really jaded by stupidity in other people.  And because of that stupidity, when I get vulnerable with people I often get some really bad results, so I just decided to stop doing it.  That conversation restored my faith in people a little...it was good to just talk.

I guess "don't judge a book by its cover" does apply here.

Did I miss the memo that the public library is a cruising spot?

Granted, the guys looking for sex there are mostly guys who are there because they're working off some community service or something, or they're ex-cons or whatever and it's not like I would hook up with an ex-con. 

Hehehehe, but if I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID hook up with an ex-con from the public library I might have had a great time doing it and he MIGHT have been really hot and I might have gone back to the public library to pick him up again.

hehehe, I might have...if I did that sort of thing.  *wink wink*

-Aaron-

It always seems like when life is going to finally go somewhere good financially, that something erupts and explodes and I'm back in the red again.  I don't know if there is a financial curse on my life or something but it's really upsetting.

Last year I had a surcharge put on my driver's license, but the letter they sent out went to an address I don't live at, so I never knew about it.  This resulted in me going to jail for a couple of days this year when I was pulled over for an outdated sticker, and then I realized my license had been suspended.  I took care of the surcharge and the court costs and stuff and I was supposed to have everything paid off by Sept 12th.

Well it isn't like I make THAT much money at Outback Steakhouse.  I can pay rent and save money, but to get my bank account past $400 has been a task and a half, let me tell you.  And it isn't that I can't save up that much money - it isn't that much when you think about it.  But like I said, as soon as I get some kind of money in my account something explodes.  My car breaks, I go to jail, or any number of things.

Today I got a letter in the mail that said that the original surcharge of $260 is a recurring surcharge that happens every year for the next three years.  That was something they neglected to tell me when I paid the original surcharge, and nowhere on the paper does it say that the charge is a recurring idea.  I talked to some people at the Municipal Court today and they said that there was nothing they could do about it and I would be expected to pay the surcharge by Sept 8th. 

I can't wait to move out of Texas.

-Aaron-

Just in case you were wondering...

...Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was AWESOME!!!  I won't spoil it at this moment, but suffice it to say go watch it like you would any other movie.  It's impossible to put every single detail of a book like this into a movie, so they basically cram a lot of little storylines together around the big one.  And I think they did a fair job of it, given that a lot of the lines from the book are actually in the movie.

Doloris Umbridge is played by this FANTASTIC actress who really captured her character.  You really hate her, which I think is great.

And I didn't even catch this anywhere but did you know Helena Bonham Carter is Bellatrix Lestrange?  Did I just totally miss that!?!?!?!  She's crazy, I love her in this movie.

And lastly...the final battle scene where Harry and Dumbledore's Army, the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore, Voldemort and the Death Eaters are all fighting...that's FREAKIN' AWESOME graphics and acting.  I loved this movie and certainly plan on seeing it again and buying it when it comes out.

Can't wait for the new book.

-Aaron-